#cattlemon's musing
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cattlemons Ā· 3 months ago
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hi, if you're okay with writing for him, wanderer x reader hcs? (it can be short and brief!!) /nf
The Archivist and The Stubborn Scholar
TW: Not proofread and the punctuations on this might be kinda yikes (tried my best tho), this particular big boy is 1,7k words big (very short and super brief (āĀ“ā—”`ā))
Hope you like this, my first ever nonnie! (I wanna frame you like a first dollar)
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I feel like the Wanderer is kind of a tough nut to crack because his trauma wall is 100 inches thick.
At the beginning, heā€™s really just huffing and puffing and being a total jerk to you (and everyone else). To be honest, youā€™re just trying your best to tough it out and not cuss him out every chance you get.
Technically, he isnā€™t a permanent student of the Vahumana; he only comes in to borrow research papers he needs for his own paper and then heā€™s off again. So, there's no reason for you to see him all that much.
But aside from being a student, youā€™re also the Akedemiyaā€™s archivist, so you do meet him fairly often. Not that you enjoyed his prickly presence at first. It was quite the nuisance, if anything.
Every time he comes in to borrow something, it feels like heā€™s purposefully trying to get a rise out of you.
Heā€™s also frustratingly accurate in pressing your buttons; like he knows exactly what makes you tick and explode.
You want to chop his head off.
Luckily for him, youā€™re closer to Celestia than he is because your patience for him is on par with that of a saint.
ā€œI need a paper on Tatarasuna, but I want it as recent as possible. The closer to ā€˜yesterdayā€™ it is published, the better.ā€
Looking away from your own paper, you looked at him like he grew five heads, each wearing a big ā€˜ol hat. To your defense, youā€™re only four beats off.
ā€œLook, I know youā€™re an honored guest of the Archon and only recently started joining in on this research writing business, but youā€™ve got to learn how we do things here,ā€ you huffed as you searched for a written guideline you have not needed for a while now.
Pulling the paper out of your bag, you pointed and explained the graphic drawn on it.
ā€œFirst, you go and find out which collection of research papers you need and ask me politely if we have it here in the archives. Then, I tell you if we have it or not before asking if you want it copied and if you need more assistanceā€”ā€
ā€œOkay, fine. I want Tatarasuna papers and assistance.ā€
ā€œPlease let me finish.ā€
ā€œWhyā€™d you stop talking if you werenā€™t finished?ā€
ā€œYou interrupted me?!ā€
Thatā€™s basically how an average conversation with him goes.
But as time goes on, the hate turns into dislike and then into pretend hate and finally into secret like.
At the start of his research, the visits are few and far between, but as the research starts getting heavier, his visits get more frequent too.
He also likes to work on the tables right outside the archival building for ā€œquicker access to papers.ā€
This is not for the public, but he also kind of maybe perhaps secretly likes looking at the archivist.
He just likes looking at you when youā€™re confused about why the journal youā€™re reading is spewing lies. He also likes looking at you when you huff at your paper because the wording is all messed up.
Yeah, his sadistic tendencies were not wiped away when he pulled his stunt on the Irminsul. You canā€™t win them all, I guess.
Anyway, itā€™s all totally because he likes seeing you suffer. Youā€™re on top of his ā€œpain in the assā€ list, after all!
Not because you look adorable when you scrunch your eyebrows in confusion.
Definitely not because he knows you didnā€™t get enough sleep last night (he heard your friend chastise you about it) and you made a bunch of mistake on your paper.
He DEFINITELY DOES NOT find your tired eyes and sleepy yawns cute (like a very angry cat he DOES NOT want to take care of).
But really, he actually believes in this reasoning. He simply thinks it's schadenfreude.
Manā€™s smart when scheming but dumb bum when anything else.
He does not catch on to his feelings all that quick. In fact, it took him embarrassingly long.
He had to do a lot of soul searching and experience a ton of jealousy to finally realize that maybe he likes you more than he hates you.
Or rather, he likes you more than he originally allowed himself to like you.
Oh no! Itā€™s the consequences of having a heart because a heart isnā€™t an object but the accumulation of interactions that build the psyche and emotion! Darn, life lesson! (Wanderer, probably)
The Wanderer decided that heā€™s going to work on his paper in the archive building today. Heā€™s not in the mood to sit in some shitty cafe and listen to incessant chatter.
Wow, he wished he had chosen the cafe instead.
ā€œHey! Who told you, you can just take a paper out of the archive and waltz your merry way home? Give that back. Right now!ā€
ā€œI thought we were friends,ā€ Kaveh mumbled in faux hurt as he stretched his hands out to return the paper to you.
ā€œArchivist first. Friend second,ā€ you huffed out, snatching the scroll of paper out of his hands.
The blond proceeded to clutch his chest and make a scene.
Sometimes you wish you werenā€™t such good friends with the man. At least then, heā€™d act civil.
Meanwhile, the Wanderer was watching all this from the front row seat; absolutely soaked with friendly-banter-that-he-misunderstood-as-lovey-dovey-affection. Your interaction with Kaveh spilled over into the splash zone of his seat in the archival building and he hated it.
In his mind, he came up with the conclusion that the heat in his heart is coming from a place of annoyance.
Why are you so loud at 7 in the fucking morning?
Why is the blond one also so loud at 7 in the fucking morning?
Why are you even entertaining guests this early in the morning? Didnā€™t you refuse him any service when he came this early a few weeks ago?
Why is this guy any special?
Somewhere much deeper in his mind, he thought differently.
I thought you were only grumpy with me.
You said ā€˜friendā€™ to him, right?
Why does that ease me slightly?
But you treat me like that tooā€¦ Am I a ā€˜friendā€™ as well?
Why does that hurt even more?
After that moment, his visits get less frequent. When he does visit, though, he keeps things brief andā€¦ polite?
You even tried to start up a banter; mentioning something you know (on a normal day) would get his veins popping and kick-start a back-and-forth and then some.
To no avail, he stayed silent and just looked mildly inconvenienced.
This confused you to Celestia and back and then to Celestia again and then back again.
Heā€™s honestly not too sure why he distanced himself from you in the first place.
But hindsight is 20/20 because after a much-needed self-evaluation session (by ā€˜selfā€™ I mean himself and Nahida) he knows itā€™s because he doesnā€™t want a fourth addition to his list of major betrayals.
Not that heā€™ll actually agree with that statement out loud. But inside, he gets it.
Of course, this understanding is between his own person. You, unfortunately, were completely out of the loop.
You thought you had somehow pissed him off beyond forgiveness or crossed some kind of line.
At one point, you thought that the banter was, in a very weird way, flirting.
But maybe you got it wrong. What if he never saw you as a friend at all, let alone someone he might like.
You decided that if a relationship(?) friendship(?) has to die, then itā€™s going out with a bang.
*(bang = mutual understanding on what went wrong and peacefully going back to being strangers).
So, you visited him one day. Out of work hours too (mmmm how bold).
The knock on his door broke the puppet out of his cluttered thoughts; thoughts of a certain archivist he misses. Grunting as he stood, he closed the book he pretended to read in favor of opening the door.
ā€œWho is it?ā€
He opened the door just as the ā€˜intruderā€™ reached to knock on the door again. He doesnā€™t know why you thought that knocking needed that much force but heā€™s certain itā€™s way too much.
Anger poked at him as he yelled, ā€œThatā€™s going to bruise, idiot.ā€
It wonā€™t.
ā€œIā€™m sorry, okay?ā€
ā€œYou should be! That hurts.ā€
It did not.
ā€œNot about that! Iā€™m sorry for whatever happened between you and me to make you hate meā€¦ā€
The fuck?
ā€œYou donā€™t have to forgive me or anything. I get that you have some sort of past to make you that way and I probably overstepped somewhere butā€¦ I thought we were friends. I thought if you were to revert back to us being enemies again, at least youā€™d tell me whyā€¦ā€
The Fuck?
ā€œIs it because you know I like you? If thatā€™s the case, youā€™re not fully wrong but I can just throw that away because I know youā€™re probably not looking for something like that and thatā€™s probably the bit where I overstepped and you know Iā€™m not even fully invested in it so really I can just stop!ā€
The FUCK?
So much for mutual understanding. With how things are going, itā€™s more of an individual understanding.
You got way too nervous and now things are spilling left and right and heā€™s not even saying anything?! Heā€™s just staring at you like you grew five heads, each wearing a big ol' hat. You took a breath to continue your long-winded mess of a rant when he clutched your shoulders.
ā€œStop for a second, will you, motor-mouth.ā€
You clammed up right away, tears leaking out of your eyes.
ā€œListen, Iā€™m not going to ever say this again but I like you too. Itā€™s shit and I hate feeling it becauseā€¦ because Iā€™ve never felt before, okay? So, stop talking all that crap about throwing important things away, it's pissing me off.ā€
You fully started sobbing now. He panicked and pulled you in for a very awkward, very stiff, but very loving hug. Snot got on his robe and cape as you cried your emotions out on him.
He found he didnā€™t quite mind. He could use less snot, sure, but he was glad you cared this much over him. He's never had anyone worry over him, let alone to the point of crying.
Soon, tears prickled his eyes but it's alright because relief found his heart.
By the way, he did say it again. He said it 1,000 times before your eventual marriage and 5,000 more times but with ā€˜loveā€™ as a substitute for ā€˜likeā€™.
What a liar.
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a.n. My first ever request and Iā€™m so incredibly chill about it (lies I jumped and screamed slightly). Anyway, Iā€™m not sure what youā€™d like to see so I made this about how you came to be the wanderer's partner. Send in another one if you want something more specific (Iā€™ll literally smile and break my cheek muscles if you do).
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cattlemons Ā· 15 days ago
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heyy, itā€™s the anon that sent in the request about wanderer with a reader who has a bad relationship with their father :) if itā€™s alright maybe i can just go by šŸ’æ anon? i have another kinda personal request, and again if you donā€™t feel comfortable writing it please let me know.Ā 
I have a control freak mother, who is obsessed with our family looking perfect from the outside. for example, about a year ago i had plans to k!ll myself, and i broke down and told my mom, and her response was taking away my phone, computer, everything that i could communicate to people with. She called me an attention seeker and told me that i wasnā€™t allowed to tell anyone else about it.Ā Ā 
It can either be new or a continuation of my first request, whatever you feel like writing :) thanks so much, lovely <3
The Weight of A Memory
TW: Suicidal ideation, emotional distress, pretty sure there's a cuss somewhere, 1,7k words
a.n. can be read as a continuation to this but fine as a stand alone. More below for you, šŸ’æanon
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ā€œSo, youā€™re saying it can work? Erasing a memory from the Irminsul, I mean,ā€ you prodded the man beside you for what felt like the fiftieth time after his prior admission.
The wandererā€™s eyebrows twitched in annoyance as he scoffed at your question; a desperate one he suffixes.Ā 
ā€œI only told you that because it seems plausible but even I donā€™t know the complexity behind the damn tree,ā€ he hissed before adding a quiet ā€œyetā€ to the back of his remark.Ā 
ā€œHonestly, I donā€™t think we can progress anymore on this topic,ā€ the aloof puppet gruffed out, ā€œthe best we can do at this point is to abandon the title entirely and find an object much easier to study than the Irminsul. Itā€™s a massive retrospective joke that we thought ā€˜Selective Memory Alteration via Mental Connection to Irminsulā€™ would be a good research title. We canā€™t even get access to the tree, much less experiment on it.ā€
Heā€™s definitely right, but you canā€™t bring yourself to agree, not when he just alluded to the possibility.Ā 
ā€œWe donā€™t have to gain direct access, we can just connect through the meditational route, you know, incense and the likes?ā€
The Wanderer let out a mocking snort as he looked at you like youā€™d said the most absurd thing heā€™d ever had the privilege to hear.Ā 
ā€œThe ā€˜meditational routeā€™ you throw around so easily takes years to hone, idiot, itā€™s not just smelling salts and candles. Youā€™re a researcher of the esteemed Akademiya and this is your idea? I donā€™t want to be that person but it looks like youā€™re desperately clinging onto a failed idea.ā€
On a normal day, you would know well enough that heā€™s only trying to dissuade you from wasting your time on something pointless but, unfortunately, for both you and him, today has been an absolute shitfest for you. Where youā€™d normally sigh at his crass way of speaking, today you decide to one-up him and say some rather nasty things as well.Ā 
You suppose itā€™s only fair that monkeys see, monkeys do.Ā 
But what started off as annoyance quickly turned into genuine anger as more ugly words and defined poison spewed out of what was supposed to be a discussion session on your research. He said some painful things and, admittedly, you did too. It, soon, spiraled out of both of your control as things started getting painful especially when he asked what all this insistence was for.Ā 
ā€œWhy are you so hellbent on going through with this titleā€“and donā€™t you dare tell me itā€™s just because it interests you! Youā€™re much too smart to make such a lame excuse.ā€
You were silent as embarrassment leaked from the corner of your eyes because truly you did not know.Ā 
Or, rather, you did. You just didn't want to admit it to him.Ā 
Taking what you hope are your things, you rush out of the grand hall, passing by the walls of books and scrolls. You need to get out of there before it suffocates you alive, whatever ā€˜itā€™ may be.
ā€”
The Avidya Forest is a good ways away from the main city of Sumeru but The Wanderer took it all one stride at a time, all in the name of tracking you down.Ā 
Truthfully, in the empty echoes of the cavity he calls his heart, he feels bad for the things heā€™s said. He knows he shouldnā€™t have questioned you too harshly, not when you seemed so unsure of it in the first place, but he needed to know why you wanted this so badly; partially because of the intuition he spent millennials sharpening told him to and the other half because heā€™s seen this desperation before, back when he donned red, black, and gold.Ā 
He followed the path heā€™s sure you mustā€™ve taken and started guessing when the beaten path petered off.Ā 
He was right to place his bets on the left fork because he found what he was looking for, albeit not in the condition he was hoping for.Ā 
You were hunched over under a tree, clearly sobbing.
The Wanderer almost scoffs at how pathetic this all was, more so his insistence to come find you than your evident sadness.Ā 
Making sure to step a little louder, he made his presence known. He hopes youā€™ll extend an olive branch of sorts and start the conversation but he supposes itā€™s too much to expect such mercy after how the situation unfolded.Ā 
He sat beside you but you made no effort to acknowledge his existence, much less be forgiving. Heā€™s fine with it. If you wonā€™t talk, heā€™ll just have to talk for the both of you. Heā€™s not particularly good at discerning human emotions but you mirror a certain grief heā€™s experienced three times too much. So, even though heā€™s probably extremely behind the curve in expressing human sympathy, he can, at least, offer the empathy of a hurt soul.Ā 
ā€œI donā€™t know what the fuck happened to you but the divine canā€™t fix it for you, you know. Itā€™s stupid and damn near fruitless to place your hard-earned hopes on a tree. I donā€™t know what youā€™re trying to fix but whatever it is youā€™re trying to erase, I guarantee it'll bite you back in the end if you do it this way.ā€
He expected at least another hour-long silence but you took the bait and heā€™s grateful that you did; even if it did hurt him a bit to see the effects his words had on you.Ā 
ā€œYou know whatā€™s stupid? Not telling me how you know all of this. How do you know I'm trying to erase something? How do you know it wonā€™t work? How do you know it canā€™t fix the hurt Iā€™ve been through? How in all Teyvat do you know forgetting wonā€™t make things better because I am about 99% sure Iā€™d be much happier if I donā€™t remember the attempts I cry about at night,ā€ you heaved as a wave of heaviness you did not know you carried wracked through you.Ā 
Youā€™re not quite sure how heā€™s got you to open up about your father once before but, damn it, heā€™s going for another record by digging deep into your personal hardships.Ā 
He stayed silent in what you assumed to be stunned silence but by the time you turned your head to look at him, his eyes carried no surprise, they carried a shared sorrow instead. Thatā€™s when you knew that this whole debacle was a mirrored event for him. Something he witnessed himself go through and is now witnessing in you. Epiphany struck like thunder because now you know that's probably how he knew what you were planning; he's done it once before.
If you had any piece left to break in your heart, youā€™re sure itā€™d break for him too.
ā€œYouā€™ve tried it before, havenā€™t you? Erasing a memory in the Irminsul?ā€
Your question was met with a mocking scoff but unlike the last time he did it, this one was targeted towards himself.
ā€œIā€™ll do you one better, I tried erasing myself off of it.ā€
You greeted his admission with silence, youā€™re not quite sure if itā€™s some sort of absurd understanding or profound shock. The man beside you has not only tempered with the Irminsul by erasing himself but lived to tell the tale. You have no clue what would drive someone to do such a drastic measure but you realize, in a way, you were not much different.Ā 
ā€œI was abandoned by my creator, by the people I ate and drank with, by a god and by its maker and the pain made me bitter so I tried it yet Iā€™m still here. I know that the whole research is just a facade for your true goal.ā€
You canā€™t help but avert your gaze, caught red-handed.Ā 
As you let his words sink in, your realize the hope you once carried were diminishing by the second. A weight dropped onto your shoulder making you curl into yourself even more. You held yourself in a shoddy attempt at mimicking some comfort.
ā€œSo, thereā€™s no end to this, is there? Not even the Irminsul can help me,ā€ you asked, sullen and all of a sudden so tired of everything.Ā 
He let the quiet fester just long enough to have you break down again. He did not mean for more tears to fall from your eyes but heā€™s not sure how to tell you that there was no hope in the Irminsul to fix your hurt. How should he phrase what he thinks you need to hear?
ā€œThere is no way for the Irminsul to help you, us. Even if you forget, thereā€™s no assurance it wonā€™t come back to your mind and make things feel ten times worse,ā€ he tells you in a tone so close to a whisper.Ā 
He watched as you sobbed at how futile everything was, how hard it all was.Ā 
He let you grief for your loss of an easy way to happiness.
ā€œBut I wonā€™t say thereā€™s no way out.ā€
You looked at him, your tear-filled human eyes meeting his glass puppet ones.
ā€œItā€™s a lot of effort, much more than Iā€™d like to give sometimes. Hell, it took a god and some otherworldly intervention to get me back to the baseline of a decent human,ā€ he laughed pitifully, ā€œbut itā€™s possible. If it is for me, I donā€™t doubt for a second it is for you too.ā€
His words did little to ease the barrage of tears streaming past your cheeks but amidst the throes of emotion, it comforted you, much like the weight of a blanket on top of a sore body, a heaviness that seeks to drown out the sorrow instead of crush the happiness.Ā 
You looked away to wipe the snot and waterworks away. You wanted to thank him and maybe say your fair share of apologetic lines but when you turned back around to face him, he was gone.Ā 
The tree branches swayed as the wind rustled the leaves off of their seat on the bark. On the space that he occupied just a few seconds ago were some of the stuff you mustā€™ve left back when you rushed out of the Akademiya and amongst it was a small note. It wasnā€™t the neatest of handwriting and it was a crude, almost cold letter (if it even counted as one considering it consisted of only a few words) but it brought a tiny spark of warmth into your heart.
Iā€™ve done it before. I believe in you.
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To šŸ’æanon, I'm so sorry this took so long. My exams drained my energy and I did not want to write you something half-assed so I waited until my schedule cooled down a bit to continue where I left off. Just like last time I hope this brings you some comfort and if you need to share please feel free. Much love <3
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cattlemons Ā· 2 months ago
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hi :)) a bit of a personal request but could i get wanderer comfort for a fem or g/n reader? (your choice) i have a...difficult relationship with my father. when he's sad/angry/upset he usually takes his frustration out on me by yelling at me and calling me names and other hurtful things. then when i cry he tells me that I'm pretending to be a victim, and blames me entirely for his feelings. i just had a sitution like this earlier tonight so its on my mind :) anyway, could i get wanderer comfort for a situation like this? or if this is too specific maybe where reader just doesn't get along with their father? thanks sm <33333
A Salve For Unhealed Wounds
TW: Toxic dad, name calling by a parental figure, emotional distress and familial conflict, crying in public, there's a swear word in there, 1,5k words
a.n. Nonnie, sorry for the wait :( I had an exam and couldn't be on here at all (also left you a short message at the bottom)
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It happened again.Ā 
The man you were supposed to trust with your life yelled at you again. Your heart aches at the implication that the weight of his love for you changes depending on the emotion reigning his mind and heart. Your mind crumbles when it recollects the words he spat out so easily when red paints his iris.Ā 
It wouldnā€™t have hurt as much if heā€™s always this way. It hurts because youā€™ve seen the smile that escapes his guarded heart on rare occasions. Youā€™ve also heard him say good things and do good deeds the way an honorable man wouldā€“when heā€™s not mad that is.
Itā€™s unfair that he canā€™t always be that way with you.
You took off towards the Puspa Cafe, hoping the bustle of Sumeru evening would be the cooling salve you need to soothe your battered mood.Ā 
Yeah, thatā€™s a good idea.
Entering the establishment, scents of coffee and spice filled your nostrils as ease settled between the spaces of your bones. The balmy yellow and brown hues greeted your weary state as the inviting warmth of the cinders burning in the oven beckons you to rest. You made the right call to come here tonight.
Or, so you thought.
Despite being on good terms with the otherwise lonesome man, you did not want to see the infamous hat guy; not tonight. Itā€™s less about his presence and more about yours. The dynamic between the two of you is akin to that of a flying serpent and a scorpion. Youā€™d take frequent jabs at each other, flinging teasing remarks and poking fun at one another but somehow, in a very weird roundabout way, thereā€™s always a sincere sort of care behind it all.Ā 
Right now, however, you donā€™t think you have it in you to take what you know he can dish. You did get lucky and got a secluded seat, you just hope he does not notice you here.Ā 
ā€œWhat are you doing here, prickly bush,ā€ he called out to you just as your train of thought chugged away to somewhere beyond the oak doors of the cafe.
Right, so much for peace of mind.
You turn towards him, the frown that began dissipating moments ago returning in full force. Grumbling before speaking, you let out, ā€œNot today, please, Iā€™m not in the mood.ā€
ā€œOh yeah, someoneā€™s definitely a prickle bush right now.ā€
You were at a crossroads between telling him to leave and bursting into tired tears when he asked, ā€œWhatā€™s wrong?ā€
Your eyebrows scrunched as he sat across you. You looked at him but his eyes were trained away from you, staring at some other patron sitting at the wooden bar just a bit away from the both of you.Ā 
Since when was he a caring man?
Your thoughts and confusion settle into a prolonged silence. You half expected him to grumble out an insult along the lines of ā€œAre your ears cloggedā€ or ā€œNeed help finding a hearing aidā€ but he, surprisingly, sat still; eyes now hopping over to a woman by the door having a conversation with a balding man.Ā 
Is he patient now? What kind of patron-saint bullshit is he pulling?
Not that youā€™re complaining, though. You much prefer this despite the weirdness of it all; or rather the newness.Ā 
ā€œIā€™m fineā€“ā€
ā€œDonā€™t lie, if you canā€™t lie,ā€ he interrupts as he points at your fingers curling in on each other.Ā 
He sure is perceptive when you donā€™t want him to be.
Silent gathers the both of you in its arms once more as you think of a response to give to him. Heā€™s being kind right now but you donā€™t feel like divulging everything to him. Your friendship is just beginning to stand on two feet. Itā€™s taking baby steps at best. You donā€™t want to scare him away by dumping all your shit on him. By the abyssal name, he probably carries more baggage than you and you donā€™t see him throwing them around.
ā€œYou donā€™t have to tell me, donā€™t get all constipated just because I asked,ā€ he said before continuing even softer, ā€œYou seemed down, just thought itā€™d be helpful to ask.ā€
Though you did not notice it at the time, your heart slowly began to lay down the walls you raised from the events that transpired earlier under the roof of your fatherā€™s house.Ā 
Perhaps, he can help.
The wanderer was about to take his leave when you whispered with a certain weariness he found familiar, ā€œMy father isnā€™t always a nice man.ā€
He sat back down as quickly as he could. He probably sat on one of the ornate hanging detailings of his hat or on that long sleeve of his but he couldnā€™t be bothered by it. Though his eyes look past you, you know his focus is solely on what you have to say.
So, you told him. At first, you tried to be as close to the baseline as possible, choosing to speak of the basic details but soon you choked up and told him everything. Your thoughts, your fears, even your longing for a better version of the father you wanted to look up to, bubbled out of your tired heart. As the night sky grows darker outside, you find yourself slightly teary-eyed as your long story comes towards its end.Ā 
Your eyes were still on your hands that laid on your lap, palms now sweaty from excessive nervous rubbing. You stole a glance at him and, just like you, he barely moved from his previous position. Heā€™s still not looking at you, almost like heā€™s not listening at all but you know he is.Ā 
It took a beat or two, almost like he was waiting to see if you had more to say before he opened his mouth to speak.Ā 
ā€œYouā€™re kind, you know?ā€
What?
ā€œI donā€™t get it. What do you mean ā€˜Iā€™m kindā€™?ā€
ā€œJust that. Youā€™re kind, maybe even too kind.ā€
You fully looked up at him now to see that his eyes were already on you.Ā 
ā€œI listened to you tell me about the horrible things that man says to you and, yet, you still call him by a title he doesnā€™t deserve,ā€ before you can question him, he answers, ā€œA dad.ā€
Youā€™re silent as he continues, ā€œThis cruel world decides to give him something so precious and he decides to lie and say all these shitty things. Heā€™s not a good man but heā€™s dumb too if heā€™s got something so precious and decides that the best course of action is to call it untrue names. Does he not realize the power a name holds?ā€
Wet droplets stain your hands and lap as tears fall from your eyelids, lungs heavy, and muscles sagging.Ā 
Taking a look at his surroundings he sighs before taking his hat off and placing it on you.
ā€œIā€™m sure you donā€™t want anyone seeing you like this and speaking about it tomorrow, here.ā€
The tenderness of his voice and action winds your heart up as more choked sobs gurgle out of your throat.
Your neck tightens in protest as you try to speak but you fight the pain of your contracting muscles as you force out, ā€œOn a good day Iā€¦ I know that he's lyingā€¦ but sometimes I canā€™t help but think heā€™s right,ā€ you sniffled and let a wave of uncontrollable sobs pass you by before continuing, ā€œI mean thereā€™s only so muchā€¦ so muchā€¦ I can deny before something false starts feeling real.ā€
Your admission broke the puppet's imaginary heart as he wills himself to hold back his instinct to swing insults and fists at your father. Instead, he chose to let what he supposes are comforting words drown your sorrow. Itā€™s rigid and almost primal the way he tries to soothe your sadness but it's tender and warm in its own way, just as he is.Ā 
ā€œAre youā€¦ are you sure heā€™s wrong? How can youā€¦ you be so sure?ā€
The staccato of your unsure question is met with unwavering eyes as he nods.Ā 
ā€œIā€™m sure. I wouldnā€™t have said what I said otherwise.ā€
You hid your face with your hands as your back slumped forward. The wanderer could see the heaving of your shoulders and he could only comfort you by repeating his praise for you. Much like a devotee chanting his faith, he whispered kind words in hopes that by repeating it, you will believe this too. He hopes heā€™s done enough to override the names your father engraved into you with angered frowns, at least temporarily.Ā The road to recovery winds away and is far from linear but he's ready to accompany you if you want him to.
As you continue to let out the emotions you thought dried up years ago, you hear him say, ā€œEven if you forget again, just tell me and Iā€™ll remind you that youā€™re nice, youā€™re smart and youā€™re so, so kind.ā€
Nice, smart, and kind huh?Ā 
You donā€™t think you can believe it right now but slowly, you hope you will.Ā Ā 
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Part two (not really that intertwined but I made it with the same characters in mind) To Nonnie, I'm sorry you have to go through this. I hope this little piece of fiction brings you some comfort, even if it might not fully capture what you're feeling. If there's anything more I can do to help or if you just need someone to talk to, please let me know.
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cattlemons Ā· 3 months ago
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A little bit of cattlemon for you!
Hi, call me Ae (or Cattlemon that's fine too)! I'm 19 and I'm a college student! My pronouns are she/her. My MBTI is INTJ-T and I'm an aquarius. My favorite color is purple or red but I own so many pink and yellow items (very common misconception). A fun fact about me is that I have grapheme synesthesia!
Also, if you know me irl, no you don't!
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You can find the rules for requests here!
You can find my itty bitty masterlist here!
Requests are open!
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#cattlemon's writing - fics and drabbles
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Hope you have a nice time in my corner of this abyssal site ahaha.
Let's be friends (ā—'ā—”'ā—)!
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